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When my sober self is determined not to drunk eat but later my friend orders a 2am pizza

(Source: fyspringfield)

(Source: moulinavent)

(Source: memewhore)

thelivingjen:

bluntbitch-xo:

terra-butt:

I WAS TRYING TO DO A TRICK ON MY FRIEND DARRELL BUT THEN I ENDED UP NEARLY CRYING I FEEL SO SHITTY LOOK HOW NICE HE IS.

this is so sad omg

keep him keep your friend forever

(Source: yungterra)

fini-mun:

Imagine this scenario. You drop your phone in the cake batter. The cake bakes. The cake comes out looking great, and you frost it. It looks beautiful. A masterpiece of baking.
Later, you need to make a phone call, but you can’t find your phone. You ask your friend to call you, so you can find it by the ring tone. You hear a muffled ring. Slowly, both you and your friend turn to the cake.

fini-mun:

Imagine this scenario. You drop your phone in the cake batter. The cake bakes. The cake comes out looking great, and you frost it. It looks beautiful. A masterpiece of baking.

Later, you need to make a phone call, but you can’t find your phone. You ask your friend to call you, so you can find it by the ring tone. You hear a muffled ring. Slowly, both you and your friend turn to the cake.

(Source: multipack)

emir-dynamite:


iandsharman:

notahoe:

my type of public transportation 

“Why were you late in today?”
“Oh, I got tied up on the subway…”


"What’s our stop?"
"You’ll get off when I tell you to."

emir-dynamite:

iandsharman:

notahoe:

my type of public transportation 

“Why were you late in today?”

“Oh, I got tied up on the subway…”

"What’s our stop?"

"You’ll get off when I tell you to."

goatnamedfelica:

cocaineteas:

You gotta love dialogues in porn.

this is the funniest thing ever

(Source: sizvideos)

The morning after a big night when I’m remembering everything I did the night before

mothbug:

real talk does anyone ever just take a moment to appreciate the flawless combination that is cheese and tomatoes

cheese and tomatoes

image

cheese and tomatoes

image

cheese and tomatoes

image

c h e e s e  a n d  t o m a t o e s

image

My dog acts exactly like this.

(Source: tastefullyoffensive)

ottermatopoeia:

penis-hilton:

congratulations snow white that’s fucking unsanitary as shit

enjoy your bird shit pie bitch

(Source: storybookdisney)

(Source: notadoge)

When I thought I had a snack saved but then remember I already ate it